Fear Times Five
by Aksannyi
Summary: Mike is not afraid of drug dealers, sex traffickers, arms dealers, or other hard criminals, but ghosties and goblins? Well, let's just say that the team exploits this weakness for a little bit of fun at his expense. No spoilers, oneshot.


**Maya and I have weird conversations. These conversations often entail how Paige or Mike would react in certain scenarios. This is one of those. Happy Halloween!**

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Paige's phone lit up with Mike's message, informing her that he'd be home soon so that they could go out. They'd been to the movies a few nights ago, a horror flick that had left Mike clinging to her the entire drive home, and so Paige had offered to take him out to a nice dinner to make up for the fact that she'd chosen a movie that had scared the living crap out of him.

"Was that him?" Charlie called to Paige as she read the message, sending out a quick "I'll meet you at the house, see you soon" in response.

"Yeah," Paige replied, and sat in wait for Mike's arrival. When they'd come home the other night, Charlie and Briggs had both noted the way Mike looked like he'd seen a ghost, and Johnny suggested that they mess with him, just a little bit. Paige's heart pounded in her chest as she waited for the sound of the door opening, signaling Mike's arrival, and she put the phone on silent so that it wouldn't betray her position.

Sitting in Mike's closet and waiting for him to get home was a bit nerve-wracking, to say the least. Not for the first time, she wondered if it was a good idea to mess with him like this. _He'll be fine,_ she rationalized, as she heard the key turning in the door downstairs. Everyone was waiting for Mike, the house silent as he tossed his keys into the dish by the door.

"Guys?" He called, and she resisted the urge to yell down to him. She'd told him she'd be home soon, but he'd figure it out soon enough.

"He is going to _freak,"_ Charlie muttered from her hiding spot. Paige could hear Mike's footsteps coming up the stairs, and she gave a final shushing noise, moving the mask off of her forehead and down so that it was covering her face. Mike would be in the room soon, and it would be showtime.

She hoped that he would forgive them for this prank.

Apparently satisfied that no one was in the house, Mike started humming to himself, an awful, off-key rendition of "Luck Be a Lady." Page had never heard him sing before, but his singing voice rivaled her own in terms of being absolutely awful. She silently vowed to find out what it was Mike _was_ good at. _Besides that,_ she chided herself, feeling her face flushing behind her mask.

"Luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with, _bada-ta_ , luck–" He flung open the door to his closet, and Paige rushed out toward him, arms raised above her, letting out a fierce roar.

"AUGH!" Mike screamed, backing toward the bed and toppling over, practically doing a backflip in the process. Paige advanced toward him, trying desperately not to laugh, and Mike did this sort of sideways roll and slid off the edge of the bed, where Charlie's hand – covered in fake blood – popped out to grab his ankle.

"OH _JESUS!"_ He shrieked, shaking his leg to get Charlie off of him, retreating toward the bathroom, a look of sheer terror in his eyes. Paige was still advancing toward him, and she could see Charlie's bloodied hand still reaching around for him, despite the fact that he'd run to the other side of the room. She'd have to remember to compliment her finesse later.

Eyes wide with fear as he watched Paige's masked form, Mike backed into the bathroom, where Paul sat waiting behind the shower curtain to grab at his shoulders. Briggs wore a gruesome mask, and when Mike felt someone grabbing him, he spun around as if to punch the figure but stopped short when he saw the face, opening his mouth as if to scream, his jaw quivering in fear as he looked between the masked figures both in front of and behind him.

He broke free of Paul's grasp and then sprinted past Paige, nearly knocking her down, out into the hallway where Johnny and Jakes sat waiting with masks of their own. "Ohgodohgodohgodohgod," Mike whimpered, a tear rolling down his face, as Johnny and Jakes pushed him backward and onto the bed.

"I'm a Federal Agent," he begged, reaching to the table for his weapon and raising it in front of him when all at once, the reign of terror stopped. The figure under the bed rolled out and stood up, and everyone else removed their masks, revealing the house mates, all of whom were laughing hysterically at him.

"You!" he accused, looking at Briggs, and then to Charlie, Paige, Johnny, and Jakes, pointing at each one accusingly with his gun, his hand shaking fiercely and his breath coming in short, terrified pants.

Paige nearly fell over with laughter, and Johnny gasped out, "Dude you shoulda saw your _face_."

"That's not _funny!"_ Mike gasped, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. In his own _bedroom?_ He wouldn't be able to sleep without nightmares for a month.

"We didn't know you're afraid of the boogeyman," Charlie teased him, sitting down and reaching to pat him on the knee, trying hard to keep from laughing, despite feeling somewhat bad for the young agent.

"You nearly peed your pants, didn't you?" Jakes supplied, swallowing a guffaw when Charlie turned to glare at him.

"It's not _funny!"_ Mike repeated, and the statement only caused the rest of his roommates to laugh even harder, if that were possible.

Briggs stepped forward, swallowing his laughter, and addressed the housemates. "I think we owe Agent Warren an apology. As Senior Agent in charge, I'm _appalled_ –"

Paige reached over and smacked him. "Do _not_ listen to him, Mike, it was his idea."

"The lady _lies,"_ came Briggs' response. "All her."

"Pssh," Charlie cut in, glaring at Paul. "Like anyone's gonna believe _you."_

"Look, I don't care whose idea it was just … for the love of god, don't ever do anything like that again! Please?" Mike swallowed, looking around at his roommates, who had, for the most part, stopped laughing, though Johnny let an amused chuckle slip out even as he nodded in agreement. He was reasonably certain that the other agents had taken a decade off his life tonight, and his heartbeat still felt elevated, his adrenaline still running on overdrive.

"You could like, put the gun down," Jakes suggested, and Mike realized that he still held the gun in his shaking hand. He hadn't taken off the safety in his blind fear, and he sheepishly lowered the weapon, setting it on the bedside table. Mike took one more deep breath and the housemates left his room, save for Paige, who remained behind.

She sat down on the bed. "Are you still up for dinner tonight?" she asked, noting the uneven way he was still breathing.

"Oh yeah," he breathed, furrowing his brow. "You owe me a lot more than dinner after this shit tonight," he added.

"Really," she breathed, leaning toward him and entering his space, close enough to kiss him but stopping just short. "What did you have in mind?"

He laughed at her obvious innuendo. If she thought he would make her pay him back by getting him off – and thus getting her off in the process, then she didn't know him that well at all. "Not sex, if that's what you're thinking. When I figure it out, I'll collect." He leaned forward, giving her a slight peck on the lips before backing away, sliding off the bed and toward the closet. "If you're ready to go to dinner, I am, but when we get back, I'm sleeping in your bed."

"No sex, huh? _Sure,_ Mike," she teased, edging off the bed and straightening her shirt before running a finger through her hair. She knew as well as he did that if they shared a bed, they weren't only going to spend the time sleeping.

He just narrowed his eyes at her, a slight smile playing at his lips. Even when he was angry with her, she was just so damn cute. "I'm not sleeping in here tonight," was all he said, and Paige gave him a knowing smile.

"Okay," she sang back to him, sliding past him gracefully and heading toward the stairs with a smile.

* * *

Three weeks later when Mike was finally willing to try sleeping in his own bedroom again, Paige heard his loud yelp followed by barefoot steps running across hardwood ring out, and only then did she remember the fake spiders she'd left under his pillow the day of the prank.

He stayed in her bedroom from then forward.

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 **Yes, I headcanon that despite Aaron being a lovely singer, Mike Warren is awful at it. I hope you enjoyed this little ficlet!  
**


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